Linger

Perhaps this thought, this feeling, this dream
Is something I have yet to accurately reveal
Perhaps this is a definition not ready to be defined
Perhaps this is a conclusion too divine, too long to tolerate in time
Or maybe it’s my fear of concluding this chapter
I’m not ready to read my “Happy Ever After”
Maybe it’s a part of me that feels it’s not really there? I’m too scared, to admit
I may actually hit another dead end have to call a quits
But I don’t feel scared nor brave
There’s not a part in my body that I feel needs to be saved
It’s just there, constantly scraping at my soul
And it needs to be addressed but it’s a feeling one cannot know
It’s not describable, there aren’t enough words buried in my brain
To make this feeling salvagable, I feel halfway insane
For I feel it’s a good thing, but I also feel it’s bad
What kind of life, love, and journey do I have?
I want to conclude that it’s a blessing in disguise
I want to conclude it’s something good for my eyes but then, I have to frown just a teensy bit, so unsure
Something deep down inside me feels like it’s not the cure
What I’m seeing and what my eyes hold in sight, what it wants to wrap up so tight
But I feel like this could all be a lie, and that’s what sets inside me fright
And the need to fight.
And the urge to bite…back.
Ha, but what’s that? Just an automatic nerve, I suppose, to know that all my fighting won’t go unnoticed
That all my screaming won’t be unheard
That all of my lining up won’t be unswerved
And all my straghtening won’t be unturned
But I have a nerve
Deep down in the tissues and atoms of my heart
And its bound to split me evenly apart…
One of these days
Oh yes it may.

Perhaps it’s forever embedded in the blueprint of my finger
This waning feeling that forever in me lingers…

~Mskraizy

Wait On God

Nothing was going right so at last she looked high,
Trying to figure out if God could see her through the sky,
“Help me please, God! Oh, I need so much!”
God didn’t answer, she was so out of luck

“I feel so alone, I can’t pay my bills,
I can barely get food on the table as it is
My family is angry, my friends have left
Please help me God, I have no one else!”

Still she stood looking at the sky so blue
Feeling as if she didn’t even have GOD to turn to
She cried into the night, hoping God would hear
And He would finally come to help her mend her troubling fears

But then morning came and the woman then realized
God hadn’t appeared not once during the night
He hadn’t listened to her prayer, hadn’t thought about her stress
Hadn’t given two cents about giving her the best

Her eyes welled with tears, feeling she couldn’t get any worse
Even the Most Almighty Power didn’t feel she was worth
Any time or any patience, and divine recognization
Any love or any hugs, she felt like giving up

But maybe she wasn’t asking Him in the right way to come
Maybe He had heard her but was waiting for her to succumb
Maybe He was waiting to see the humble in her soul
Maybe He was waiting for her to say she loved him so

“God, I’m sorry, I apologize for what I’ve done
Whatever I did that upset you, how I spoke to someone
I don’t know what I did, but I hope You will forgive
But please help me, God, what have I done to deserve this?

I may not be the best person, but I sure can’t be the worse
I don’t turn my nose up to people and lower their self worth
I pay all that I owe, I never steal, never fight
I try my hardest everyday to make sure everything is right

So how come you aren’t hearing me? Is it something that I said?
Is it because I’ve been wishing lately that I were dead?
Well how can I not when I always give my best,
And then someone else recieves the prize I should get instead?

I’m sorry, that was selfish, but please do as You will,
You can give me anything, whatever that You feel
I’ll try to make it work, whatever that You give
And I promise I’ll make it better the longer that I live”

Still no answer or signs, He didn’t seem available
Her tears began to explode, they just weren’t containable
She couldn’t pull herself to summon anymore words
Obviously, even God hadn’t even heard

She layed there in the grass, her soul depleting of hope
She couldn’t close her eyes and so the tears into her pupils soaked
No energy left to smile, no faith to move her hand
She laid their sprawled in depression, glued onto the land

The day turned to night, and the dark warmed her soul
All she wanted to do was to sink six feet into a hole
Have it all end, maybe commit a few sins
Have someone shoot her down and bring it all to an end

But instead she fell asleep, had no energy left to weep
Didn’t dare to dream a dream about counting any sheep
Seconds turned to minutes, and hours to a day
A day and another day, and yet still another day

Then one morning she woke up, the day seemed okay
The sunshine wasn’t depressing and she didn’t feel much weight
The singing of the birds seemed to soothe her in a way
Then she looked beside herself and saw a man who came to stay

“Please do not be startled, I’ve been watching you all week
I know it sounds crazy, but you always make me weak
I never get the words right as they play inside my head
I try to work the nerve up to come over but don’t instead

And I heard about your troubles, I heard what made you sad
And hearing all your crying, oh I felt terribly bad
That I had not been helping, that you I had not saved
That is why I came while you were sleeping today

To tell you that I’ll help, that I’ll pay all of your bills
I have a home for you to stay in and you can do all that you will
Oh please do not lose hope, I feel that in my heart
If you should ever choose me you will never have to depart”

The woman melted in his arms, they fell in love that day
Married within a year and soon a baby on the way
“Oh God” she began “have you been helping me?
Is this your clear-cut sign that you had been listening?”

“Of course I was listening, I was quickly on my way
But see, Child you have to know you caught me on my Sunday
I heard you loud and clear, I’d never leave you blue
But sometimes, even I myself need a break as well too”

She smiled until the sky had turned into another night
Now deep inside herself she felt mended up tight
Now she knows for sure that He will always stand by
Sometimes, you just have to wait on God sometimes.

 

~Mskraizy

Some Random Laughs

I needed a pick me up. Enjoy these little funnies I came across!

The Bridge

A man on his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, God said,
‘Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.’

The biker pulled over and said, 
‘Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.’

God replied,
‘Your request is materialistic; think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help man kind.’

The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said,

‘God, I wish that I , and all men, could understand women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she’s thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing’s wrong, why she snaps and complains when I try to help, and how I can make a woman truly happy.

 

 God replied:
“You want two lanes or four on that bridge?”

 

 

An attractive blonde from Dublin arrived at the casino and bet
Twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. She said, ‘I hope you
don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I’m completely nude.’

With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled,
‘Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!’

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed ‘YES, YES, I
WON, I WON!’

She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her
clothes and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other dumb founded.

Finally, one of them asked, ‘What did she roll?’
The other answered, ‘I don’t know – I thought you were watching.’

MORAL OF THE STORY

Not all Irish are stupid; not all blondes are dumb; but all men are men

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

^^^I need to see this show again! lol

~Mskraizy

 

 

Breathe

His name was Clint and you should know the boy suffered with depression
With everyone he ever met that was his first confession
He wanted to warn to everyone that he’s sorry if he’s unstable
He’d love to stay in happiness, if only he were able

Life was but a glass half empty, a sun that was bound to set
His memories were full of decisions and choices he regret
His words were full of sorrow and a big front of joy
His time was filled obligations and a wish that he were unemployed

His mind was filled with troubles, his heart was filled with hate
His stomach filled of ugliness, and he lacked hope and faith
His eyes were filled with grey, his dreams were filled with blue
His ideas were filled with everything that he’d rather not do

He regretted being born and hated being created
He felt he served no purpose, that to others he was outdated
If he had never existed, would he be better off?
Would the world even care if his soul had been lost?

The truth of the reality is no, “life goes on” he said
And poor Clint knew this though he blocked it out instead
And everyday I saw him, he would always look at me
Breathe a deep sigh and continue the same thing

With his foot against a wall and his back against a tree, he said
“Even between a rock and a hard place, you can still breathe”

 

~Mskraizy

My Day In Short

Six sticks, a pack of mints and a flock of butterflies
A long street paired with a sleepy trip home
A drive through a few a dreams and a few stops at reality
And a quick stop to check in on my reality
Maybe a burger, a small bag of fries worth a dollar
A shirt I hadn’t seen in months with it’s old wrinkled collar
A molar ready to be ripped out
A pain ready to torn out
And an ever-predictable story of my life
With my six stick, pack of mints, and flock of butterflies…

 

~Mskraizy

Today’s Positivity

Up until now, I never really realized the true meaning behind “bittersweet”. For everything to be spiraling down, breaking on the ground, and all I hear are piercing howling sounds, all I can do is smile and be at ease, and know that there’s a part of me gone slightly crazy.

I don’t know how my eyes dare to stare at anything like him, I don’t know how my mind dares to see everything not dim, I don’t know how my mouth speaks everything but hate, and I don’t know how my soul feels it’s nothing but great.

Explain to me how I see the sunshine through rain? Explain to me why I’m happy to be so insane? Please illustrate how I can still smile? Someone tell me how I know it’s all worthwhile?

Lord knows this is not the place I want to be at this time in my life. Lord knows there are so many other dreams out there that I’m still keeping in sight.

But who knows, maybe I am the clay pot getting its final edges smooth. Maybe I am the arrow that’s being drawn back. Maybe I’m the Emperor…that’s about to get her new groove. Ha. Maybe I’m the red that’s about to be the new black.

I am in a good place, I’m still okay. I wake up, I can walk, I’m full everyday. I am in a good place, I’ll have to be. Just keep my mind focus and aim for a better me.

Things will be okay.

 

~Mskraizy