On The Edge

I no longer serve a purpose here on earth anymore, skies are black with no option to be enlightened, the sun will never raise nor will the green grass rise, don’t be surprised if it was meant to be this way. The step that I’m trying to find is nowhere to be found, it’s hard to find anything with all this darkness around, the life I’ve lived is wasted with many hopeless dreams, deciding not to live it is all that matters to me, and they’ll listen to me rant and read words clear as day, then they’ll stand there speechless not knowing what to say, and then they’ll try to help me with a reason to exist, or try to make me feel bad for the strength I can’t commit, that I am just a baby and I’m just making it hard, that I am just weak for letting it all fall apart, but little do you know I’m stronger here inside, for putting in two hundred when you’ve barely even tried, but now I am tired and I’m completely drained, my emotional pool is zapped and only hurt in it remains, I can’t say enough words to heal it I can’t cry enough tears, I’ve been battling this demon for years and years and YEARS, I just want to hear you love me but that can’t even help, I’m to high off all the stress to even tell that to myself, so I give my dreams to momma I give all my tears to dad, I write all my broken promises in an old notepad, there’s just no hope to help me I’m sorry it’s a waste, I really wonder why I even landed in this place.

~ mskraizy

I Understand

She looked at the sky and raised her hands high, and then she was granted an optional choice,
The Dream from behind compelled her inside to lift up to heaven her silent voice,
A teardrop was born that gleamed in the light as it modeled it’s way down her cheek,
With all she released there was still no relief for her feet were still held by defeat,
Her hands trimmed with moonlight and buffered with hope clenched each other in stinging pain,
For she knew herself that nobody else could help her inside to change,
She dared not to burden her friends with the pain so she hardly looked away from the floor,
But even without looking I could tell by her movements that she no longer could take it much more,
Her voice screams loud and the birds run away as they flap into the night sky,
Even from this far I can still see the pain and resentment in her eyes,
It’s hard to make her understand that I feel her pain and that one day it will all change,
For here I stand, at my own edge of the cliff thinking about doing the same…

~ Mskraizy

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Remember You

I need you to remain strong and persevere, I need you to remember all the reasons you ended up here, I need you to pinch your lips close as tight as you can and don’t screw yourself now due to some petty demands. Keep your mind clear, cool those boiled tears because you can only win by hiding in the silence. You know you dwell on achievements, you’ll risk for success, you’ll bust your brain power just to crank out your best. You’ll give all you can to all whom you meet, you’ll take their jealous anger and create something sweet. Keep those traits in mind when you think ahead, don’t let the now get you so that you wind up dead.

If no one else has told you I do care, I care my deepest about you getting there. I care about your dreams, your passion your love. The only other who could care more is the Universe above…

I need you to remain strong and persevere, I need you to remember all the reasons you ended up here, I need you to pinch your lips close as tight as you can and don’t screw yourself now due to some petty demands.

~ mskraizy

Before You Shoot

Let me tie red ribbons in my hair and slip my feet into sandals filled with oil
Let me give my mind a short moment to peruse the jagged vortex of my soul
I can’t pretend that i haven’t gone through this process before for i know How low, a shattered soul can take you
And i know the many cuts it can make on the soles of your feet
I know that at one moment i will want to claw out my eyes and rip out my hair m Because just living with the very thought of being disowned by you makes all of life unfair
So before i give you the complete ability to discard me in the fire
Let me first shield myself with future desires
And let me slip on my helmet common sense
That has quite a bit of dings and quite a lot of dents
I love you i do i can’t ever take that back
But it’s not enough to let you destroy me because of what we lacked
It’s torture to have to move on but I’ve day it won’t feel so bad
So I’ll just protect myself in armor until i get over what we had.

~mskraizy

Oppositical

If i were your issue and you were my tissue do i get to kiss you goodnight?
If i were your nightmare and you were my dream would you ever tell me good me goodbye?
If i were your wallet and you were my change would you still strive for a dollar?
Even if i were and you were not I’d never have to hear you holler
For you are the heart where i am the kidney who filters the worst of the test
I act as your mom and you as my son who i always try to give the best
So if i am the question and you are the answer then answer this one thing for me
If i am the opposite and I’m what you need, then what would you do without me?

~Mskraizy

Silent Demands

I don’t know what to believe anymore. It’s part of me that knows, another part that wishes, and another part that goes, for something. Just anything it wants to make happen, anything it wants to seek after, and leave me there to pick up the pieces of a shattered dream. Whether it be love for the heart, or love of greed, some part of me just can’t succed, possibly there’s an outer force, or inner, that’s working on stopping me. I don’t know if I want to stop it anymore, can’t understand why I’d let it slide, why I’d just allow my own happiness to slip by, why death doesn’t seem so potent, why sadness is more evoking, why tears are more relieving and smiles are more painful. I just can’t get it, I don’t understand, I don’t see how people can live with these silent demands. And when I open my mouth to expand my ideas, I feel diseased. Like my mouth is it’s own organism looking to seize me. It’s going to be the life of me. It’ll be my death, it’ll be my one-second-longer when I have nothing else left. And I just don’t understand, and I can’t understand, how people can live with these silent demands.

I just feel like talking, I feel like saying, and when I have confidence, I feel like praying. I feel I want to be brave, and I want to commit, but when the opportunities present themselves, I back out quick. There’s a part of me that wants to try, maybe dip my hand and coat my fingers in white, maybe venture out into the other side that has so long eluded me because of my pride. I just want to know, I want everything now. Just can’t get why I feel such a cloud, looming over me waiting for my failing. Can get a grip on my ship isn’t sailing, and I’m so close to quitting, giving up with ease. Letting everything I worked hard to push an inch forward just slide away from me.

I feel like I’ve failed but I’ve won it all the same. I feel like Life is no longer just a game I want to play. I’m just really sick of trying to cut corners, for once I want to breathe, and not have to deal with my freaking failings of my sad reality.

I just can’t it and I don’t understand, how people can live with these silent demands.

 

~Mskraizy

Honeymoon Phase ~song lyrics~

Sweeter than a momentary taste of honey of the lips, I dream and I wish
Frequently that one day my dreams will finally bless me
For I have, had enough of my own fantasies overwhelming me constantly
Lurking over my shoulders plotting for it’s fail
And ooh, when I dream of love
And what it could possibly spell out for the two of us
I always see it as a fairytale
But that’s what scares me for all lives are always spelled out in reality
And all shades of the honeymoon phase soon turn grey

Well I’ll pack up fifty bags, maybe fifty three
If you’re up for the challenge baby, follow me for I’m gonna try to outrun love
I’m gonna keep on dreaming baby just because
I’m gonna be asleep til I’m a hundred and three
Maybe til the day the heavens come for me cause
I just wanna stay
Locked down deep into the honeymoon phase

Brighter than a collection of a gazillion stars and maybe fifty moons I
Always figured love was just a casual fling, something just to get you by, but
Baby when I met you,
Feelings felt way too surreal to be true
Always a question forever doubt
If this was route that my life would lead
And ooh, when I think about you
And all the wonderful things that love could create for me and you
There’s just a part of me that feels a bit insane
For all shades of the honeymoon phase…soon turn grey

Well I’ll pack up fifty bags, maybe fifty three
If you’re up for the challenge baby, follow me for I’m gonna try to outrun love
I’m gonna keep on dreaming baby just because
I’m gonna be asleep til I’m a hundred and three
Maybe til the day the heavens come for me cause
I wanna stay
Locked down deep in the honeymoon phase

So see me as you did when you first saw me,
And never forget how you felt
For when I see you I always see you how we met
And for that I’ll never regret when I

Pack up fifty bags, maybe fifty three
Ready for the challenge and you’re coming with me for we’re gonna, outrun love
And we’re gonna keep on dreaming baby just because
We’re gonna be asleep til we’re a hundred and three
Maybe til the day the heavens come for you and me cause
We’re gonna stay
Locked down deep in the honeymoon phase

So pack up fifty bags, maybe fifty three
If you’re up for the challenge baby, follow me cause I’m gonna try to outrun love
And I’m gonna keep on dreaming baby just because
I’m gonna be asleep til I’m a hundred and three
Maybe til the day the heavens come for me cause
I just wanna stay
Locked down deep in the honeymoon phase

 

 

Awww, I actually really like this song. lol

 

~Mskraizy