I’m Almost Ready To Commit Suicide

If I’ve heard it once, I’ve heard it a million times,
But you just can’t understand this desire in me to…die
“You’ve got so much ahead of you! Your whoever will miss you”

Shut up.

We all miss something once we lose it. But while it’s here we continue to take it for granted. Like I take things for granted. Like people take me for granted. And I’m just tired of the whole charade. Tired of pretending like everything is damn okay when it’s not!

I’ve spent so much of my time trying to figure out ways to make it ok for everyone else
But I can’t get the same in return
I barely get a hug, a warm smile, a hello
Just kicked to the curb like a old, disabled dog you know?

And I’m so damn tired of this same old shit
How many years am I sentenced to LIVE LIKE THIS!?
Just can’t think straight, I’m forever full of fury and rage
And it gets tougher and tougher to fight this til my nice nature feels staged

I have no peace! I have no idea where it’s gone
But I damn sure it’s never returning back home
I’m a ticking time bomb ready to explode
I’m sure the earth is full to capacity, so I’m ok to go

The world is crumbling anyway, I can see it’s pretty much doomed
Or maybe I’m just looking through these foggy glasses of gloom
But despite what they tell you, it’s not okay to be yourself
It’s not okay to be who you are if who you are isn’t everyone else
You get penalized for your freedom, for your individual zest
You get hyped up with gas and then they discard you like the rest

People don’t be fooled, like I, realize you are still beautiful indeed
But if you’re trying to be anything more than a robot, I promise you will not succeed
Your dreams will forever be on hold in an indefinite que
And everything else will always be more important than you

Trust me when I say, they will treat you any kind of way
They will push you to the edge of your limits and try to lead you astray
But if you fight back, with intensity in your strength
You’ve almost certainly put yourself on the blacklist

I guarantee it’s over for free spirits and free minds
I’d like to think it was possible… but I guess now is not the time.

 

And I’m done.

~Mskraizy

 

ETA: I found an article that made me laugh myself right out of my depression. If you need a heavily sarcastic pick me up, PLEASE read this article. You’re worth every bit of effort and don’t let anyone take that from you 🙂

The Ten Minute Suicide Guide

 

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Glass Vase

Someone please hand me a glass vase
Made entirely of crystal, laced with fine rubies, sapphires and pearls
Someone please hand me a glass vase with trimmings of silver laced with gold
Your vase that you paid hundreds for, thousands, millions maybe more
Hand me your vase, please don’t hesitate or ignore
Someone hand me a glass vase, the ones you treasure so dear
Hand me your glass vase that is so clean and pure and clear
Your vase adorned with treasures and filled to the brim with gems
Hand me your glass case. Do it at my whim.

This vase made out of crystal so clean and pure and clear
This vase with trims of silver laced with gold and held so dear
This vase that’s filled with rubies, sapphires, pearls and other gems
This  vase you’ve robbed your pockets for and fought for to the grim

Someone please hand me a glass vase so that I may hold it close
And smash it to the ground without a moment left to boast
For it’s too much stuff around me that I can’t seem to touch
And I can’t break this and I can’t yell that, too many rules to gut

I hold all of my worries, and pains, and stress within these sacred gems
I hold all my agony, tears, and depression within their bronze
Hand me a glass vase so at this time I may ammend
All of the rights I’ve wronged and battles lost that should’ve been won.

~Mskraizy

Coccoon Life

As I see it now, I have curled up in my coccoon
But the thought of entering this phase so late keeps me down
I’m not sure if I can ever find the strength to show my face
I’m sure they’ll still judge me without a doubt
Though I have made it without many regrets
And little to no scratches, and little to no threats
I still feel without an edge, a certain strategy… or act
I kinda feel awkward, worse than my teenage years in fact
I sit here in my coccoon just waiting to be ready
But I’m nervous that once I do hit the ground running
Will I be accepted? Or will they shut me down at the gate?
Why does it even matter what they say?
What am I doing? Why am I even coccooning?
My time has passed, aren’t I too old to matter?
The generations are grown with their own beasty ways
And I can’t even get along with the people from my day
What to do? What to do? As I sit here in my coccoon?
All nestled up and safe, waiting to make my next move
I guess I’ll never matter to the people I know now
If I didn’t matter then, I won’t matter without a doubt
I just need to find a new crowd who will wait on my coccoon
To spit me out and watch me blossom into something
I guess they thought I’d be a bug forever, such a shameful thing
Well actually, I’m still a bug… Just a pretty one… with wings!

 

MsKraizy

Moving On

Good ol’ poetry, good ol’ rhymes
Good ol’ writing to help explain strange times
Good ol’ paper, good ol’ pen
Help me understand all this madness again

See for I have done what I thought would make people proud
In my own twisted way, cause I rarely ever follow the crowd
But still, for me to not have done it the way they know
I guess they expected me to stay beneath them, at their toes

That could be beside the point, not asking for a medallion
Not looking for people to admire me like some beautiful black stallion
In all simplicity, I just requested respect
But asking even that has earned me more and more neglect

They must expect that feeble me, that one from years ago
Who would jump and do for anyone, no questions asked or answers told
Or my softspoken nature that usually sets them for surprise
Cause they rarely ever know that there’s a lion deep inside

Now see that it is not my intention to instill a string of fears
I have my own battles that I fight, and nothing involves me standing here
Trying to demean you, oppress you, make you feel small in anyway
Though this is what I receive every time, every day

I just don’t understand my failing, I don’t get where I should stand
I’m too boisterous for the innocent, yet softspoken for the band
I’m too active for the seniors, too lazy for the young
I seem to be a stand-alone limited edition champion, ha!

One day I’ll find my purpose, when my door opens I’ll strike
I’m tired of staying average so that people will like
Who it is that I’ve become, whether aggressive or subdued
I will find my mountain, strike it, and move on to something new…

Guess that’s just what I do anyway… 😛

Stubborn

Me and this growing stubborn trait
Pulsating so loudly these days I can’t concentrate
Menacing, screaming at me like six thousand mothers
Who believe in me, more than no other could possibly understand
It’s demanding and draining to live a life beneath who you are
And instead of settling into the fact that you’ll end up living an everyday life like everyone else
No, you must puff out your chest and tell yourself
You are somebody, and you deserve more
You deserve every knocking opportunity at every single door
It’s hard trying to scramble up a cliff with no stepping stones
But you just know deep down that you’ve got to press on
Because it’s more likely that you’ll end up closer to the sky
Instead of staying on the ground, wishing for life to lift you up high
Me and this stubborn personality that keeps me charging through
Trying to stay on the positive things while I’m barging through a world of blue
I can’t understand how I got here, or why I can’t let anyone tell me No
Even myself, I can’t believe that it’s ever the end
I can’t believe that the answer will always be No, I’ve just got to try again
I’ve just got to come back, I’ve just got to see it through
Persevere just once more cause maybe this time, the answer will be new
That’s why I need you to be clear, I can’t tolerate vague
Or my stubborn intuition kicks in and causes me to hang on everyday
Until the answers are clear and red, I can no longer trickle down the path
TELL ME there’s no point in me trying to fix this aftermath
Or else I will be stubborn, in life, love, and me
I’ll be stubborn with everything I do
It’s the only way I can be free

 

~MsKraizy

Easy

“It’s like a tendril of my coily hair bouncing in front of my eyes
Sweeter than an unexpected super secret surprise
To my demise, it was better unknown than being revealed
I’ve got all the happiness I really needed right here
So spread your heart wide, let me come inside!
I have endless love that I plan to provide
You’re one stone skipping over the seas
As far as the eye can see
Make no doubt about it, I’ve been waiting some time for you
And you don’t need to know all the details either
I’ve got more stories to tell you than I’d ever imagine telling anyone else
Come, take a seat
I’ve got them all sitting on the shelf.”

 

-Mskraizy

That “Kinda Pissed” Mood

I may be a bit of the animated type, I seem to be obsessive when it comes to getting hype, and I dance all around and I scream in the rain when I feel just a bit of the tiniest pain.

 

Oh please, do forgive me, to all those accustomed to having the world bow to your fingertips. Maybe they shove you a bit, but not enough to lose grip. You’re used to having it a certain way.

 

But you see, I am not. Not used to stability, more like a disabiliy, and here in my nothingness I rot. Nothing in my life comes without hesitation, I wake hour after hour growing familiar to anxiety while you? You awake in bed with nothing but variety, your life is nothing but a flow with society, while mine seems to remain a constantly broken down dynasty.

I wish you could understand what it was like, to not have the world bow down at your fingertips, to not have opportunities thrown at you like a pre-approved scholarship. To not being taken for granted or to be symbolized with all those who have come before you or made the trail nothing but a desolate waste land!

 

And they got to give the first impression… and ruined it for the rest of us.

 

No, you DON’T understand, but I wish you could. I wish I could take my life off like a shirt and bleach it, that would be good. To be able to start over and to have people accept me for the individual presence I planned on bringing into this planet!

 

 

But because of where I was bred… I’ll always be taken for granted.

 

 

~ MsKraizy