Moving On

Good ol’ poetry, good ol’ rhymes
Good ol’ writing to help explain strange times
Good ol’ paper, good ol’ pen
Help me understand all this madness again

See for I have done what I thought would make people proud
In my own twisted way, cause I rarely ever follow the crowd
But still, for me to not have done it the way they know
I guess they expected me to stay beneath them, at their toes

That could be beside the point, not asking for a medallion
Not looking for people to admire me like some beautiful black stallion
In all simplicity, I just requested respect
But asking even that has earned me more and more neglect

They must expect that feeble me, that one from years ago
Who would jump and do for anyone, no questions asked or answers told
Or my softspoken nature that usually sets them for surprise
Cause they rarely ever know that there’s a lion deep inside

Now see that it is not my intention to instill a string of fears
I have my own battles that I fight, and nothing involves me standing here
Trying to demean you, oppress you, make you feel small in anyway
Though this is what I receive every time, every day

I just don’t understand my failing, I don’t get where I should stand
I’m too boisterous for the innocent, yet softspoken for the band
I’m too active for the seniors, too lazy for the young
I seem to be a stand-alone limited edition champion, ha!

One day I’ll find my purpose, when my door opens I’ll strike
I’m tired of staying average so that people will like
Who it is that I’ve become, whether aggressive or subdued
I will find my mountain, strike it, and move on to something new…

Guess that’s just what I do anyway…😛

Stubborn

Me and this growing stubborn trait
Pulsating so loudly these days I can’t concentrate
Menacing, screaming at me like six thousand mothers
Who believe in me, more than no other could possibly understand
It’s demanding and draining to live a life beneath who you are
And instead of settling into the fact that you’ll end up living an everyday life like everyone else
No, you must puff out your chest and tell yourself
You are somebody, and you deserve more
You deserve every knocking opportunity at every single door
It’s hard trying to scramble up a cliff with no stepping stones
But you just know deep down that you’ve got to press on
Because it’s more likely that you’ll end up closer to the sky
Instead of staying on the ground, wishing for life to lift you up high
Me and this stubborn personality that keeps me charging through
Trying to stay on the positive things while I’m barging through a world of blue
I can’t understand how I got here, or why I can’t let anyone tell me No
Even myself, I can’t believe that it’s ever the end
I can’t believe that the answer will always be No, I’ve just got to try again
I’ve just got to come back, I’ve just got to see it through
Persevere just once more cause maybe this time, the answer will be new
That’s why I need you to be clear, I can’t tolerate vague
Or my stubborn intuition kicks in and causes me to hang on everyday
Until the answers are clear and red, I can no longer trickle down the path
TELL ME there’s no point in me trying to fix this aftermath
Or else I will be stubborn, in life, love, and me
I’ll be stubborn with everything I do
It’s the only way I can be free

 

~MsKraizy

Easy

“It’s like a tendril of my coily hair bouncing in front of my eyes
Sweeter than an unexpected super secret surprise
To my demise, it was better unknown than being revealed
I’ve got all the happiness I really needed right here
So spread your heart wide, let me come inside!
I have endless love that I plan to provide
You’re one stone skipping over the seas
As far as the eye can see
Make no doubt about it, I’ve been waiting some time for you
And you don’t need to know all the details either
I’ve got more stories to tell you than I’d ever imagine telling anyone else
Come, take a seat
I’ve got them all sitting on the shelf.”

 

-Mskraizy

That “Kinda Pissed” Mood

I may be a bit of the animated type, I seem to be obsessive when it comes to getting hype, and I dance all around and I scream in the rain when I feel just a bit of the tiniest pain.

 

Oh please, do forgive me, to all those accustomed to having the world bow to your fingertips. Maybe they shove you a bit, but not enough to lose grip. You’re used to having it a certain way.

 

But you see, I am not. Not used to stability, more like a disabiliy, and here in my nothingness I rot. Nothing in my life comes without hesitation, I wake hour after hour growing familiar to anxiety while you? You awake in bed with nothing but variety, your life is nothing but a flow with society, while mine seems to remain a constantly broken down dynasty.

I wish you could understand what it was like, to not have the world bow down at your fingertips, to not have opportunities thrown at you like a pre-approved scholarship. To not being taken for granted or to be symbolized with all those who have come before you or made the trail nothing but a desolate waste land!

 

And they got to give the first impression… and ruined it for the rest of us.

 

No, you DON’T understand, but I wish you could. I wish I could take my life off like a shirt and bleach it, that would be good. To be able to start over and to have people accept me for the individual presence I planned on bringing into this planet!

 

 

But because of where I was bred… I’ll always be taken for granted.

 

 

~ MsKraizy

Life Lessons

So.

There’s this thing called Life giving me advice about Love, trying to show me over and over what I need less of. There’s this thing called Hope giving me advice about dreams, telling me that I shouldn’t stop if I myself can create the scene. There’s this thing called Patience giving me advice about Stress, how I should keep on persevering in order to be the best. There’s this thing called Heart giving me advice about Feeling, how it’s okay to go for what you want even if others don’t find it appealing. There’s this thing called Humor giving me advice about Pain, that no matter what has happened scenarios always change. There’s this thing called Smiling giving advice about Fear, that no matter what can shake you always go…persevere. There’s this thing called Walking giving advice about Flow, that no matter if you’re confused never stop always go. There’s this thing called Stop giving advice about Peace, that if you feel too overwhelmed pause a moment, let it cease. There’s this thing called Ugly giving advice about Perspective, that no matter how they look, the heart is more reflective. There’s this thing called You giving advice about Me, passing lesson after lesson for our eyes and ears to heed.

But there’s this thing called Me giving advice about you, sometimes you need to listen, my words are valuable too.

~Mskraizy

I Will Not Stay Broken

I have to pause for a minute and laugh, because of the excess attempts you continue to toss at me
Steer my way, and yet
Even with all the bruising, scars, burns, and endless amounts of tears
I continue to persevere
As naïve as I know I am, I continue to stare into your eyes
And foil each and every plan with only a glimmer of hope in my eyes
Forever seeing the bright side
Remaining unmoved, not budging
Not held down by,
Anything

In fact I know I have nothing now
And I continue to lose more the more that I face you
But I stay strong, I get stronger
And my silence becomes the armor that I’ve been searching my entire life for
It becomes the steel plate guarding my heart
My brain shields in titanium
On some events you may have my heart fooled
But my soul knows that YOU
Won’t

Win

 

You have been my biggest competitor, the antagonist in my story
The villain in every scene
But I just didn’t understand how quite opposite we were
Until I literally had nothing
And looked to you
And felt the dirt fling into my eyes

My heart is now growling, my eyes are now burning
And it’s not because I hate you
And it’s not that I have forgotten what you have done to me
It is because I consciously make the decision
Here today
That I

 

 

I will not stay broken.

 

 

~Mskraizy

I Wish You Could Quit Love

Dang. He’s got my mind so tortured I can’t even think straight. My heart feels crucified and served on a fine china plate. I just can’t do it, I can’t pull myself to love another man. I can’t pull myself to love anything you understand? Just cut…deep. I can’t even begin to try and fake the mess I’ve created, all the daydreaming I’ve wasted, unwillingly receiving what I knew would be deceiving…but I just wanted to believe it wouldn’t happen again to me. That for once, Life was gonna be fair, and give me the chance to show my unconditional care, allow me to try it test it out, but without a doubt, I’ve been cast out.

I should’ve saw this coming. It really should’ve been a neon light, shining bright, screaming “Hey! Not this one! Turn right!”. Take a detour, switch lanes, anything you can to get him out of your brain. But it’s just… it’s heart breaking, soul aching, deteriorating, how love can blossom and just as quickly burn to a crisp. What really will I miss? A man that never had anything to say? A man that constantly stared me down, not even a smile would come across his face? Should I feel hurt though I feel I did a lot of reaching out on my part. Maybe the clues just weren’t big enough, but they were huge for me. Just being in his presence was a step into reality. But I guess not… he just didn’t understand. Now it’s all over and now I’M in demand.

When I wasn’t even wanting, I wasn’t looking for the love, I was just trying to set my path straight and move on just because. Because I didn’t wanna be miserable, I didn’t want no pain, I just wanted to lay the foundation that would lead to my ultimate change.

And so I’m here again, juggling the same life lesson in my lap. Love is just so sneaky and tricky I don’t know how I can learn from that. Because every situation is new, every man comes with a twist, and you think you got him figured out until you’re captured in sweet bliss. And they blind you with all that fog and make you feel it’s meant to be. Then womp, the fog is cleared and you’re the only one standing in the field.

I won’t penalize anyone ever for feeling the way they feel. It’s up to you and your emotions and if I don’t fit, just keep it real. But sometimes it’s kept too real, you don’t even get goodbyes. You just get left standing in the wide open space screaming to the high heavens “WHY!!!!”.

And that’s what I don’t like that’s what I hate about love. There’s no formal ending, you have to figure out what it was. But it’s all a slow ending that you never get repaired. You just hang the remains on the back of the door so it reminds you to stay prepared.

~Mskraizy